


All that you are (is broken inside)

by natxsteve



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Brief mention of Sam Wilson, Brief mention of Tony Stark - Freeform, Brief mention of Wanda Maximoff, Character Death, Civil War, F/M, Marvel Universe, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Civil War (Marvel), Romance, otp, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 11:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4624458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natxsteve/pseuds/natxsteve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The man loves you, Natasha."</p><p>She rolled her eyes in amusement as her head drifted back to the days her teammates told that exact phrase to her, twice. Sam and Wanda - they make such a great team playing matchmakers for her and Steve, makes Natasha even wonder why they never do well together during their training.</p><p>Now, Peggy Carter - being the third person to say that to her, made her heart raced. She smiled and ran a hand through her now long scarlet locks. "If I have a dollar everytime someone would say that to me, I would have been richer than Stark by now." She replied.</p><p>-x-</p><p> When he meant, 'everyone knew how they were back then' Natasha Romanoff knew that fact the most, of all people. So when the first love of Steve Rogers passed away, Natasha knew the right ways to fix him and one of them was fulfilling Peggy's last wish.</p><p>This is a companion fic from my previous story, 'Your smile, my ghost (I fell to my knees).</p>
            </blockquote>





	All that you are (is broken inside)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for your overwhelming responses from my previous fic. Now I'm back with a new one, still took place after AOU/ Pre- Civil War (Nope still can't settle with what I saw in AoU). Hope you guys will enjoy this as much as you've enjoyed the first one! 
> 
> Inspired by the song 'They'll Never Know' by Ross Copperman.

* * *

_it's nothing they could change, it's nothing you could hide... it's nothing you should hide._

* * *

He couldn't breathe. He could feel the hot tears dying to fall from his eyes, his knees, God - how close were they from collapsing. And his heart, he could feel a part of it has died. She was gone. 

He always knew this day would come. But he wasn't expecting it to just happen right after he visited her two days ago. How can time flies so fast? He just had a new life, he barely adjusted from the world around him, he just saw her - after seventy years of being on ice. His weak head still couldn't process how things escalated, all he knew was that his first love has died and Peggy Carter died without him beside her. 

Just the thought of it tears him apart, it shouldn't have been that way. Not when he knew where she was, not when he knew her state of illness - he should have stayed. He should have stayed because he didn't the first time around. And that was seventy years ago, when he chose to sacrifice himself, his hopes and dreams to save the world. Staying with her would have meant everything to her, he was suppose to make it up for his best girl - now there's nothing much to make up, but a fake smile on his face and act as if everything is okay when the truth is, he was slowly dying inside. 

He has been staring in front of the mirror for quite sometime now, his hair was still disheveled, tie still undone and his eyes were still swollen from last night. He wanted to fix himself up. He wanted to mask his gloomy expression just to lessen the sympathy he expect he'll get from the people around him. Everyone knew how they were back then, everyone knew except her - he never told her how he had fallen madly in love with her. How he wasn't only looking forward to a date, but a thousand more - there's so much more that should have been said. Now all are nothing but memories, memories that hurt. His jaw clenched, he shouldn't be thinking about this. 

A faint knock from the door interrupted his thoughts. With his eyes still focused on his reflection, he spoke - gesturing the person behind the door to come in. 

Green eyes were gazing from afar, her head peeking at the door. She was still hesitating if it was the right time to go to him. Steve was silently looking at her from the mirror, admiring how beautiful she looked with her now long scarlet locks and a little make up on her face, he sighed and turned his head around. 

"Is this the right timing?" She asked, her voice almost close to whispering. 

"Of course, Nat." He said. And with that, Natasha finally entered his room, still with a worried look displayed on her eyes. When he meant, 'everyone knew how they were back then' Natasha Romanoff knew that fact the most, of all people.

She made her way to him, her feet almost cautious and arms close to dying to have it wrapped around him. He needed it, and every single fiber of her body knew it. When she was finally a few inches in front of him, Natasha didn't make any hesitation to lock her arms around him. She laid her head on his chest and he embraced her back with the right amount of pressure, his cheek on her hair - inhaling her scent. Somehow just by smelling her sweet perfume made him calm. They stood there, with their arms wrapped around one another for as long as both can remember. She can feel his tears falling from her hair, and there was nothing she can do but to hold him tighter.  
When they finally pulled apart, she reached for his cheek to gently wipe his tears with her fingers. Steve leaned in to her touch and held her hand, steadily placing it on his cheek. "I don't know what to do." 

She shook her head and placed her free hand on his shoulder. "Yes you do, Steve." With a soft smile and hope in her eyes she spoke once again. "You're going to go and be there with and for your best girl... whether it's with a smile on your face or a tear falling in your eye, you would be there and recount all the memories you've shared with her. You're going to celebrate the life she have lived, and in return - she's going to be there for you too, only in a different way now." 

A tear fell from his eye once again and Natasha caught it just in time. He turned his head around to place a kiss on her palm that's still placed on his cheek. He honestly had no idea what he'd do without Natasha. For the longest time, she have been his rock and he was grateful to have her simply being there with him at all times. Sometimes, his head still couldn't process how they've gotten together, it was still all surreal for him, but one thing left him for sure - he loves her. He now could not imagine a life without her. 

"You always know the right things to say. Words can never be enough to thank you for that." He narrowed his eyes.

"That's why I'm here for, soldier." She gave a reassuring smile, her memories drifting back to the events that happened two days ago. Steve pulled her closer to him once again and he exhaled deeply. "Always." She swore to death he'll never leave him.

* * *

"Steve, I don't think this is a good idea." She said with wary, as his hand interlocked with hers while her other one was holding a boquet of flowers. Steve turned his head around with a grin leaping on his face, anticipation was clearly evident in his eyes and she had to admit he looked so adorable, she couldn't say no. 

"Oh is the Black Widow backing out already?" He raised an eyebrow, walking in the hallway to Peggy's room took forever, but Natasha's never been more happy since that can give her more time to escape. 

"No, I - I just... maybe it's not the right time for her to see me." 

"Why would you think that?" He chuckled, nodding to a group of people who happen to pass by them along the way. He knew each of their names by heart since he's been a regular visitor for the past months. 

"Because, I'm meeting your first love - need not to explain more?" Steve stopped to face her. His fingers were now running down her face and she felt relieved by his sudden touch. His thumb rested on her chin and narrowed his eyes on hers, "Hey, you're going to be okay. You can do this - plus, Peggy really asked you to be here. Remember?"  
Natasha rolled her eyes, she felt so ashamed of herself for backing out that easily, and just when they were only a few steps away from her room. What makes her so afraid? _She was just going to meet the first love of her boyfriend, the founder of SHIELD no biggie_. With a sigh, she too smiled and cocked her head. "Okay, fine... and stop giving me those puppy eyes, Rogers. It's not working anyways." She smirked, running a hand on his hair. 

"Okay if you say so, Nat." He laughed, he held out his hand and Natasha interlaced her fingers with his once again without hesitation. "Shall we?" 

"We shall." She replied. She took a deep breath as Steve finally opened the door to one Peggy Carter's room.

* * *

The room was simple yet elegant. It was neatly furnished, with antique paintings hanging on the wall. Natasha never felt more relaxed than ever, there was something about the atmosphere in Peggy's room that makes her feel welcomed and reassured. Steve placed the flowers they bought earlier on a vase in a nearby table, and walked a few steps to where Peggy was. Natasha stood silently on the opposite side of the wall and leaned on to it. 

"Steve?" A female voice croaked. 

"Hey, Peg." He held her hand and smiled. Peggy in returned grip his hand tighter, with a glint of hopeful look in her eyes. 

"I bought your favorite flowers, actually WE bought you flowers." He rephrased his sentence. Peggy reclined from her bed, leaning her back on the headboard. Steve accompanied her, and Peggy happily nodded. 

"Did you bring Natasha?" There was a hopeful glint in her eyes as her hands clasped. Steve nodded and gestured Natasha to come closer to both of them.  
Natasha walked a few steps closer until she caught a glimpse of the woman in bed. When she did, Natasha finally concluded the fact that Peggy Carter is by far, the most beautiful woman she has ever seen. There was no denying to that, no matter how many wrinkles have formed in her face, her beauty was ageless and she couldn't detect a single flaw on her - not that she even tried. A smile formed on her lips as her brown eyes locked with her emerald orbs. 

"Steve, I must say I still admire your taste in women." Peggy teased, both Natasha and Steve laughed as she reached out a hand to her. 

"It's nice to meet you too, Ms. Carter." She shook her hand carefully, and Peggy waved dismissively. 

"Please. Call me Peggy." She winked. 

Steve cleared his throat, his hand slowly finding hers and held on to it. "Peggy, I'd like you to meet Natasha Romanoff. She works with --"

"I know exactly who she is, Rogers. You do know I still watch the news." She stated. Steve chuckled and rubbed the back of his nape. "Yes, yes. I know that. Just thought that you would want a proper introduction." He sheepishly said. 

"Steve told me many things about you, my dear."

"He tells me a lot of things about you too, Peggy." Natasha leaned closer as a a smile tugged from her lips. She knew this is going to be one long and fun day.

* * *

It was already late afternoon, and neither of them still didn't have the heart to say goodbye. They were enjoying each other's company that neither of them were even aware of how fast the time was approaching. Peggy was beautiful inside and out. She was a really wonderful woman, and there was no questioning to why Steve fell in love with her back then. Talking to Peggy reminded her so much of Steve, they carry the same approach, the same concern - they both had the same philosophies in life. It made her heart melt just to see him with Peggy. This was the first time Natasha has ever seen him smile like that, it was completely different and exhilarating at the same time. Natasha should know that Steve have never been more than delighted than ever knowing that he was with the two women he holds deeply in his heart. 

The sun was about to set when both Steve and Natasha accompanied Peggy out to her balcony. It was hot, and he could feel beads of sweat drooping down his face. Natasha handed out a face towel to him and he nodded in thanks. Peggy on the other hand, had her eyes fixated on the view in front of them. It was her first time after what seemed like years to witness the sunset, and she was eternally grateful that she was spending it with two of the best people she knew. She leaned her body on the railing, allowing the breeze of the air overwhelm her system. The moment didn't last long, as she felt Natasha's hand on her shoulder, gesturing her to take a seat which she happily complied. 

"Steve?" Peggy turned her head to his direction.

"Yes, Peg?" 

"Would you mind getting Natasha and I some ice cream? I know they serve one on the cafeteria downstairs." She offered. 

Steve placed his hands on both sides of his hips. "Too much sweets is bad for you, Peggy." 

Natasha rolled her eyes, "Oh c'mon killjoy, a little sugar wouldn't hurt. As long as Peggy here promise to drink plenty of water afterwards."

"What am I 12? I am totally capable of handling myself." She guffawed, her head slightly throwing back from the bench. "Have some respect for the old lady, please." She teased, rolling her eyes. 

Steve scratched the back of his head, raising both of his arms like a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay. Whatever you want, Peg." 

And with that, Steve was gone before she could even say anything else. 

As soon as he was completely out of their sight, Peggy heaved a sigh of relief and leaned her head on the wall with contentment. "Seventy years from now, and he still hasn't changed." 

With Natasha's gaze focused on the spectacular view of the mini garden from downstairs, she nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, I could tell..." She trailed off, turning her head to Peggy's direction, and found her smiling as brightly as ever before. "You know, how overprotective he gets especially if it concerns the people he loves." 

"Oh, you mean anyone living on this entire world? That I could tell too." She smirked. 

With their heads thrown back and chests heaving, both laughed till they have forgotten to breathe. As soon as the need of oxygen finally came to their senses, they greedily took a breath of fresh air and laughter, was finally replaced with complete utter silence. 

"The man loves you, Natasha." 

She rolled her eyes in amusement as her head drifted back to the days her teammates told that exact phrase to her, twice. Sam and Wanda - they make such a great team playing matchmakers for her and Steve, makes Natasha even wonder why they never do well together during their training. 

Now, Peggy Carter - being the third person to say that to her, made her heart raced. She smiled and ran a hand through her now long scarlet locks. "If I have a dollar everytime someone would say that to me, I would have been richer than Stark by now." She replied. 

Peggy nodded in agreement. She inhaled deeply and placed a hand on Natasha's shoulder. "You two deserved each other." 

"Actually, being in a relationship with him - I had the most benefits, he gets nothing from me." She admitted, her gaze turning south avoiding Peggy's searching eyes. 

"Stop beating yourself up, Natasha." She reminded. 

"I'm not - I'm not, really. I - I'm just stating the facts."

"Well it sounded like you're making yourself feel bad, when the truth is - you shouldn't be - " 

She cuts her off before Peggy could even finish her sentence, "Steve is as good as a saint, Peggy. He's - he's... too perfect, like with or without serum - I'm sure I would have fallen in love with him either way... and trust me, you don't hear me saying this word as much as everyone else." She pointed out.

"That's the thing... you're not like everyone else my dear. And that just gave Steve, extreme bonus points of having you as his." Peggy winked, as she raised her finger to tilt her chin. "You're strong, dauntless, amazing - and these words could go on forever... but honestly, don't ever let yourself think that you don't deserve to be loved."

"Do you love him?" She asked. 

"Yes - I do." Natasha replied without any hesitation, her eyes have never looked more willing as ever before. 

"Then allow yourself to do so. Let go of all your doubts and insecurities, and do what this heart of yours wants."

Peggy's hand found hers and held a tight grip to it. It's still all so surreal for Natasha to learn so much in one day. She was once again grateful for not backing out to the last minute, she wasn't expecting this day would be running smoothly - all thanks to one Peggy Carter and that kind of heart of hers. "Thank you, Peggy. I - I really needed that."

"Would you go and do me a favor?" Peggy smiled as wrinkles formed from the corner of her eyes. Remind her again, how in the world did she still manage to look THIS good after all this time?

"Anything, you name it.." She reassured her. 

"I''ve lived a good life... and I want to Steve to have the privilege to have that too. Would you help him by leading the way?"

* * *

It was a cold windy afternoon, but the sun was still up and shining. For some reason, he had the strangest feeling that Peggy would have loved the weather too. No tears were shed, everyone stood silently as if Peggy was giving them the strength not to break down. They all knew she was in a better place now, and with that - there is no point to mourn, but instead - rejoice and celebrate the life that she have lived. 

Natasha and Steve stood there silently together, their fingers interlaced with one another. Everyone knew who they were, but no one knew that they were together so as expected, some shared a few glances to them from time to time. Neither of them really cared. If their relationship goes out to the public, then so be it - this day was meant for nothing else but Peggy.

When the funeral finally ended, and Peggy was finally laid out to rest., everyone started to head home but her and Steve. They waited patiently while everyone cleared out the vicinity as they finally shared one last moment with her. 

"It's okay to cry, Steve." She said in a low tone, her arm wrapping the other side of his hip. 

"I know... but I made a promise to Peggy not to." He said with a soft smile, giving her the assurance that he's going to be okay. Because that's what Peggy would want to, and by that he's keeping her last and final request. 

Turning her head to his direction, she cupped the side of his cheek carefully. "You're not the only one who has a promise to fulfill." 

"What did she make you promise?" He asked.

Natasha smirked, a hand smacked right on his chest playfully. "That's for me to know, and for you to find out soldier."


End file.
